Zero (cyborg_kitty) wrote in shatteredhearts,

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Ribbons and Lashes

Today I feel like I'm at the end. I had been reading a manga and one of the themes that is repeated is that people chose other people to be with. Aria ( that's what I call my boyfriend sometimes ) doesn't choose me. I know I have many faults, but I try so hard. I used to think that I wanted somebody kind to be around, somebody who could include me with their friends, and let me part of their family. A best friend. I've built my life around him and he cares more about his car and his computers than he does about me. I could manage without the being included and being part of the family, but I need him to be there. I feel so guilty when I have to turn to other friends for help because he's not there or when I go hang out with my other friends because he's always gone. The only time I get to spend with him is his left-over time. Little scraps that I can pick up and try to make a relationship out of. It's been really bad since August. Today I didn't get a hug or a kiss or anything when I saw him. Nothing. I just want him to love me and try to act like he cares about me, at least sometimes. And I know that I can't expect things to be perfect or to always feel like I'm sooo happy in love with him. But, being with him makes me feel like death and even then he is all that I want. And it won't be and it can't be. Because he doesn't...
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