busy, busy, busy (stella4809) wrote in shatteredhearts,
busy, busy, busy
stella4809
shatteredhearts

New girl and here is my story.

Let's start. I'm 19 years old. For the past four years, I've had a strange, but wonderful, relationship with this guy. We were best friends and more. We had been there for eachother through everything and knew everything about eachother. He has had a very hard life and I have never, not once, not been there for him.

In fact, I gave up the chance of leaving my shit-hole town for him. I could have went to college and got out of this town (my town is definately a place you shouldn't want to stay), but I chose to go to a school close to home to be with him.

Now, for no reason I can even comprehend, he stopped calling. I find out he's spending his time with this girl that he just met. Now, keep in mind, we were never official, but we weren't just friends. He actually let her tell him not to hang out with me anymore.

Now, everyone I talk to tells me to just move on. "If he can do that so easily, then fuck him. You can find someone else." Yeah. No shit. Everyone can find someone else. But with him, I didn't just lose a boyfriend, I lost a best friend, and that's what makes it so hard. I feel like a part of me is missing.

I know from a good friend that he hasn't been the same. He isn't happy. Isn't fun. But, we're both stubborn assholes and won't call. I won't call because he knew ahead of time that I didn't want to stick around if he got a new girlfriend. For personal reasons. I just didn't want to put myself through that.

I just can't understand why he's doing this. I am seriously lost without him. And I hate talking about it because everyone thinks that I should just say "fuck it." But I know that there is something more to this story. I'm just too stubborn to call him and he thinks that I don't even want to see him so he's too scared to call me.

Now, here I am, scared to call, but throwing away four years. But I just CAN'T call and nobody understands that. I CAN'T. All I can do is hope that something gets through his thick skull and he calls me.

I hate sounding like a stupid girl in love. But I can't help it. My heart literally hurts and I haven't even talked to him to find out what is going on.
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